Lessons to be Learned
by Irish Story Teller
Summary: Harold Lowe had hoped and prayed for a second chance to save Titanic. A mysterious stranger appears on the Carpathia and gives him that chance. Can Harold save the Titanic and change history for the better?
1. Chapter 1

**Lessons to be Learned**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the _Titanic_ characters. They are copyright their respective owners and to history. All non-_Titanic_ characters are mine and made by me. I make no money off this piece of fan fiction. It is written for entertainment purposes only.

**Prologue**

On board the _Carpathia_ I thought I was tucked away in some little corner of the ship where no one would find me. I couldn't be sure where exactly I was hidden away but it was good enough for me. It was a quiet little area of the ship where I could be alone with my thoughts.

My superior officer, second officer Charles Lightoller, had comforted me when I wept against his shoulder. God bless him for it…yet part of me still felt hollow. I still felt as if something—anything—could have been done to save more passengers.

Earlier I had heard someone remark that there would be a movie made about Titanic's sinking in no time at all! The idea angered me but I couldn't explain why. People trying to make money off the disaster when the bodies weren't even cold yet!

I pulled my knees against my chest and hugged them. My back began to ache from being hunched over for so long but I paid it no mind.

I felt myself staring off into the distance for I don't know how long. I could hear the sound of footsteps but ignored them until a human body stood in front of me. Glancing up I could see the face of a stewardess looking down at me. My brain did not want to make connections right away and it took me a few seconds to recognize her as that Irish stewardess, Mayda O'Brian. She forced a pleasant smile at me before crouching down and handing me a thick mug.

My hands stretched out to push it away, "Keep it for yourself."

"The other officers were askin' about ye," Miss O'Brian said softly.

"You mean the surviving officers."

"I know it hurts but what ye did by goin' back was very brave an' noble."

I sighed. "Why couldn't I save more people? Maybe if I had gone back sooner I could've—" I could feel my voice crack as once again tears stung my eyes, "There were children in the water! Children and babies! And—and I couldn't save them!"

"Yer not God, Mister Lowe."

"I should've gone back sooner."

"Ye can't blame yerself."

I knew Miss O'Brian was only trying to help me but when she said that I felt myself become angry. "Then who can I blame?" I demanded. "The iceberg? White Star Line? Ismay for pushing that we speed up to surprise everyone in New York? Who, Miss O'Brian? Who?"

She recoiled, looking stung and hurt by my words. Immediately I regretted what I had said. She was no different from me; we both had witnessed such tragedy and loss of life. Damn my temper!

"Forgive me, I'm sorry," I quickly said. "I shouldn't have snapped like that. It's...I wish there was something I could do to change things."

Miss O'Brian reached out to touch my arm when she suddenly froze. She literally froze in place and did not move! What sort of devilry was this?

"Miss O'Brian?" I said while waving my hand in front of her face.

No response.

"Miss O'Brian?"

"Don't worry, she's fine as is everybody else," a voice that I did not recognize said.

"Who are you and what have you done?" I demanded of this strange person who walked out of the shadows. He was a tall man with a crop of dark hair that sprouted from his head. He was a handsome fellow and spoke with an accent that I did not recognize. His clothing made me think of him as a steerage passenger but there was no way I could be certain about that. I wasn't certain about anything considering he just made the world stand still!

The stranger ignored my question. "I hear you want to go back in time and change the events of Titanic?"

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I can make what you want come true, give you a second chance at saving everyone."

"You can't turn back time!"

"There is much more to this world than you can possibly understand Harold Godfrey Lowe." Reaching out the stranger grabbed me under the chin and forced my head up so I would look at him. Feeling his touch was nothing like I had ever felt before. I could not explain it but I felt paralyzed under his gaze. "You have a noble heart but much to learn Harold Lowe. I can make it so that you have your second chance to save the Titanic but I cannot guarantee anything will be different. That is the beauty and curse of free will."

"What are you?" I asked him despite still being in his grasp.

"Something from the other side that you never imagined possible. I am also not like what you think we are like but we love you none the less. You men have a great deal to learn about how the world works. Just because you cannot see it, cannot touch it, and cannot control it does not mean that it isn't real. You'll remember but no one else will."

The stranger removed my cap and bent in. He pressed his lips against my forehead and that was all I could remember as my world went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

Oh so slowly my world came into view. No longer was I sitting hidden away in some remote part of the ship. I wasn't even sitting! Sitting up I saw I had been lying in my bed. I never thought I'd consider that uncomfortable bed comfortable! I could have hugged the mattress and wept for joy. I had been given a second chance! I was back on Titanic and could save everyone and the ship herself!

As quickly as my excitement sprang up another question began to take hold. How did I know this all wasn't some sort of vivid dream? Someone could've been playing a trick on me or I could be asleep somewhere on the _Carpathia_.

So how was I to be sure this was reality and I wasn't dreaming?

I looked down to see if I was wearing my night clothes. Instead I was wearing my standard uniform. I could feel the snug brim of the hat against my head.

My second test was I squeezed my eyes shut, clenched my fists, and tried to will myself awake. When that failed to get me anywhere I opened my eyes again.

Outside my cabin I could hear voices.

"Poor Mister Andrews! He's busy fussing over every little detail!" A man's voice said.

"Today's the day we launch so I imagine why he would be!" Another voice said.

"I wish he would calm down. The poor man is driving himself to an early grave!"

I sprang up from my bed and raced towards the door. I flung the door open so quickly and so hard it was amazing I did not take the door off with me.

The two men stopped and turned to look at me. They both stared at me with eyes as wide as saucers. If I didn't know better I would have reached out to catch their eyeballs for fear they would have fallen out of their sockets.

"Officer Lowe?" The taller of the two stewards cautiously asked.

"Today is the day the Titanic sets sail, correct?" I asked them.

The two men exchanged looks as if I had suddenly gone mad.

"Yes, yes it is," the taller one slowly said. "Are you quite alright sir?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Excuse me!" Shutting my door I quickly sprinted down the hallway to find the bridge.

"That was quite strange," I could hear the steward's voice say.

On my way to the bridge I encountered Miss O'Brian who was carrying a large load of sheets. In fact I nearly collided with her which sent her burden to the ground.

"Oh!" She said before getting on her knees to pick them up.

"Sorry!" I began to apologize profusely. Crouching down next to her I began to pick them up and put them in a neat pile.

"It's no worry."

"Miss O'Brian?"

She looked up, "Yes, Mister Lowe?"

I wanted to speak but instead I found myself grabbing her face and kissing her cheek exuberantly. When I pulled away she looked even more surprised by the action than I was.

"Thank you for all that you're going to do for us," I quickly said before running away again.

By the time I reached the bridge my close friend James Moody was already standing there.

"Good morning Harry," James said cheerfully.

I stared at James for a few seconds. Was he really standing there before me?

I struggled to find any words to say. When they wouldn't come I jumped forward and hugged him tightly.

"Oh! Well, that's quite a greeting," James said as he lightly patted me on the back.

"What's quite a greeting?" Mister Lightoller asked.

I released James and advanced on my next victim before hugging him just as tightly.

"Goodness, Mister Lowe," Mister Lightoller said.

"He did the same to me," James said.

I pulled away from my superior officer and blushed lightly. "I'm sorry sir; it's just that I'm so happy to see you again and to be here."

Mister Lightoller's look was that of confusion but he said nothing. "Well then, Mister Lowe, you will have to do your best to contain yourself until you are off duty."

I felt myself blush again. "Yes sir, sorry sir."

That stranger on the _Carpathia_ had done it! I was back on _Titanic_ and I could change things for the better! We didn't have to strike that iceberg! I could save more people! History would turn out different and for the better this time! I was sure of it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

I knew I had a few days before we struck that wretched iceberg so that gave me time to do all that I could to prevent it from happening.

Changing course the last time was a safe option but we had not slowed down which had a hand in leading to our demise. Looking back I knew we should've stopped entirely and waited for the sunlight to greet us the next morning. Yes, some passengers would've complained but they would have been alive to complain!

As soon as I thought about it my mind snapped to the ice warnings that we had received. How many of them had actually been received by the captain? Could have just receiving one extra ice warning have saved us? I knew I couldn't torture myself with such questions but they would not stop.

High above me I could hear _Titanic_'s horn blare once again. I felt myself grip the edges of the counter tightly as my eyes squeezed shut. The noise alone made me think my head would split in two! The temptation to keep from covering my ears and praying I would go deaf was overwhelming.

Praying to go deaf…

I felt my heart stop for a second as I repeated those words for a third time. When _Titanic_ was sinking I prayed and prayed hard that I would go deaf so I could no longer hear the shrieks of drowning men, women, and children. I prayed I would go blind so I could never see their lifeless eyes staring up at me again. I prayed oh so hard that I would be given amnesia so I could forget what had happened. As hard as I tried I knew everything I had witnessed that night would forever be imprinted in my brain.

"Harry? Harry!" A voice behind me said.

I turned to see the concerned face of William Murdoch.

"Are you alright Harry? You looked like you had just been sentenced to death!"

"Mister Murdoch!" I gasped. I turned away from the counter and realized just how much my hands hurt. I expected if I turned around to see ten finger shaped holes in the counter. Mister Ismay would have a fit about that!

Immediately my superior officer was touching my forehead. I could feel the roughness of his palm against my skin and it reminded me much of how my mother used to take my temperature. "Well, you don't have a fever. Are you sure you're alright Harry?"

"Yes, yes sir, I'm fine," I lied.

He gave me a patient smile. "What have I told you Harry? When the Captain or anyone else who isn't important is within hearing range you call me 'Will'. Everyone else does!"

"Be careful or he'll grab you in a big hug," James joked. "He's already claimed me and Lights!"

"I imagine the young ones do hang onto their superior officers for a little while until they learn to stand on their own," Will joked.

Chuckling to himself James immediately trotted up to Will and wrapped his long arms around the older man's torso. James then stuck out his bottom lip and opened his eyes as wide as he could.

Will's only response was to laugh rather loudly. "Oh get off of me! I'm not your mother!"

"Daddy?" James said rather hopefully.

"This is going to be a good explanation! I can tell already!" Lights announced.

"Just giving the young ones a lesson," Will once again chuckled as James released him.

Lights smiled and nodded. "The Captain wants to see the two of us as soon as possible. He's already briefing Henry, Joseph, and Herbert."

Henry Wilde.

Joseph Boxhall.

Herbert Pitman.

Their names struck me suddenly. I knew that only Joseph, Herbert, Lights, and I were the surviving deck officers. Could any of them have any memory of what happened on _Titanic_? If I was going to pry I had to be careful. I could not run the risk of being labeled mad and sent away.

Only time would tell if any of them did remember what happened.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

The next few hours had me running around like a chicken with its head cut off. After a brief briefing from Captain Smith about David Blair whom we all knew as "Davy". I didn't know Davy well but he seemed like a nice fellow. He was disappointed about being lost and then dropped in the shuffle of us deck officers.

Brother if you only knew…

As soon as I thought of our lost deck officer my mind went to something else. If only we had those binoculars! Maybe then the look outs could've seen the iceberg and saved us! Whose idea was it anyway to not give them to us?

I mentally cursed myself for my brain going in every which direction at once. I couldn't change the fact we had no binoculars so I would have to focus on other things. To keep myself focused I forced myself to forget about them.

What could also change our course and history?

The wireless!

I looked over at James who was busy writing a quick note in the log.

"Is the Marconi system up and running?" I asked.

James looked surprised by my sudden question. "Yes. Why shouldn't it be? Are you planning on sending out a message?"

A message to the _Carpathia_! If, God forbid, we were to strike that iceberg they could come to our rescue sooner!

"James, you are a genius!" I exclaimed before running to the wireless office.

"What brought that on?" I heard Will's voice ask.

"I have no idea; he's been like that all morning," James answered.

If there was any other conversation between the two of them I didn't hear it. I imagine they had written my behavior off to excitement which suited me just fine.

In my excitement I had run past the Marconi office. Upon realizing my mistake I spun on my heel so quickly I tumbled over and landed flat on my face.

The deck: one.

My dignity: zero.

"Goodness! Are ye alright Mister Lowe?" Miss O'Brian said as she crouched down in front of me. "That looked like quite the fall."

Despite the pain in my body I climbed up to my feet and then helped Miss O'Brian up.

"Yes, thank you. I wanted to send a message and I realized I had missed the wireless office," I bluffed. "I'm not hurt. Really."

"If ye say so."

Taking the chance to look her over I noticed how different she looked. Neatly dressed in a freshly starched uniform and her hair neatly pinned back. She was nowhere near had the sight that I last seen of her when the ship was sinking.

Somewhere in the chaos and chatter of loading the lifeboats she had been shoved overboard by an unknown person. It could have been anyone who had done the shoving be it intentional or accidental. No one knew who had done it and no one claimed responsibility.

She screamed the entire way down and I knew I could never forget that terrified scream. Could she swim in that icy water? Could she even swim at all?

Thank God someone had taken pity upon her and pulled her into a lifeboat!

"Miss O'Brian, might I have a word with you when our shifts are over?" I asked.

She nodded, "Yes, of course."

"Thank you. Excuse me."

When I entered the wireless room Jack Phillips looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"That was quite the fall you took," he said quietly. "Try to keep it down as Harold is napping."

I glanced to the bunk to see Harold Bride asleep on his back with the blankets pulled up to his chin. His chest rose and fell with his rhythmic breathing.

"What can I do for you?" Jack asked.

"Could you send a message out to the _Carpathia_?"

Jack's eyebrows went up. I was asking him to send a message to a Cunard line ship! Heaven only knew what he was thinking! It could have been anything from my wanting to send a message to a friend to flat out treason by sharing White Star Line's secrets!

Whatever Jack was thinking he did not voice an opinion but handed me a sheet to fill out.

"Don't question what's on it, just send it," I told him once I finished filling out the information. "It might just save our lives."

"Very well," he slowly replied and took the paper.

If I was lucky I wouldn't be labeled a mad man for my behavior.

Time would tell and right now I hated waiting.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

The day crept along so slowly I could've sworn that whoever he was that sent me back here was intentionally messing with time or at least my perception of time. Did those clock hands even move at all? Holding back a sigh that desperately wanted to escape my throat I debated with myself over glancing at the clock. I truly expected to see the clock's hands frozen in place or even moving in reverse.

Rather than torture myself further I decided to go out on deck both for fresh air and to make sure once again the planet had not stood still. I could hear the thump of each footstep as I walked across the hard wood of the ship. Somehow, I missed that noise and even feeling the deck beneath me.

A blast of sea air slapped my face and once again I felt as if I were on top of the world. I could see for what felt like miles of blue unspoiled sea. Seeing the blue ocean was somehow comforting at first. However, I knew the sea could be a cruel mistress and could swallow us all up within an instant. Perhaps it wasn't so much that the sea was cruel but rather indifferent. The iceberg that struck us was neither benevolent nor malevolent. It was something that we struck because we hadn't seen it in time.

Rubbing my chin as I often did when I was lost in thought I began to think to myself. Could it have been one of those black or even flipped over iceberg? Had the iceberg flipped over and yet not been covered in frost? That process could take thirty minutes or more depending on the weather. The conditions that night had made it difficult to see anything but could that have been a factor in what destroyed Titanic?

I was so lost in my thoughts and debates within myself I hadn't noticed a light tugging on the back of my coat. It was such a light tug at first I truly hadn't noticed it until it jerked again, harder this time.

Turning I saw the last person I thought I would see. A little girl was clinging to a rag doll with one arm and to the back of my coat with the other. She had long black hair that hung down her back and over her shoulders in large waves. Her large hat had been pulled back to reveal a wide hair part in the center of her head.

Large unblinking black eyes stared curiously up at me.

She wore a blue gingham dress that looked like it had been repaired a few times. Over that was a white pinafores that looked new. Even though I knew next to nothing about girl's pinafores I could tell someone who loved her very much made it for her. I could see the pintucks in the apron along with the white embroidery.

The little doll she clung to had clearly been loved as it was almost coming apart at the seams.

I could have sworn I saw that doll before in the water…

I shoved the idea from my brain and kneeled down in front of her. Upon getting a closer look at her I had the feeling her parents and her resided in steerage. Despite this their small child was greatly loved and cared for.

"Are you lost?" I gently asked her.

She shrank behind her doll.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. Where are your parents?"

Still no response.

Could she even understand me? I didn't know what language she spoke, that is if she could speak at all. I felt my heart wrench at the idea of her not being able to get to a lifeboat and being entombed in Titanic forever.

I, myself, could only speak English and Welsh. If she didn't understand Welsh I felt myself at a loss of how to communicate with her.

"Mister Lowe?" Lights asked.

I looked over to see him standing a few feet away from me. "Sorry, sir," I said and stood up straight. Any casual attitude we had displayed must be dropped when dealing with passengers or any formal setting.

"What's going on?"

"I believe this little girl got separated from her parents."

Immediately Lights' face softened as he, too, moved and crouched down next to me.

"Oh, that's too bad," he said softly. "Do you know where your parents are little one?"

In response the little girl hugged her doll tighter against her small body. She did not shrink away from him like she did to me. Perhaps Lights with his experience with small children could offer some hope. I had always adored children, I still do, but had always felt a little ham handed with them.

Lights offered her a friendly smile, "I've got children around your age. Now, we can't help you if you don't tell us who your Mummy and Daddy are. They might be worried sick right now. Would you like me to go with you to find them?"

The little girl took one step towards him and then another until she was standing in front of him. She stared at him with those large eyes.

"Come with me and we'll go find your Mummy and Daddy," Lights said. Gently he reached out and picked her up into his muscular arms.

At first I wanted to protest for fear the little girl would start screaming for help or we could be accused of kidnapping. My fears began to dissipate when she wrapped her arms around Lights' neck and rested her small head on his shoulder.

Lights chuckled lightly before looking to me. "I'm going to take her down below decks and find her parents."

"Yes, sir," I replied. It did not escape my notice that Lights was very careful in avoiding the words "steerage" and "third class."

I watched them go and the little girl moved her head so that her chin was resting on Lights' shoulder. She continued to stare at me until they both disappeared from view.

I knew I would never forget that look that she gave me.

"Mister Lowe!"

What now? I angrily thought to myself. I looked over to see Miss O'Brian hurrying towards me.

"Ye wanted to speak to me?" She said.

Oh no! I had completely forgotten! How was I going to stop _Titanic_ from sinking if I kept losing track of everything?

"Yes! Yes, I did," I quickly said. "Let's go to some place that's private."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**

As Miss O'Brian and I walked to a hopefully private place my mind began to race wondering how I was going to save everyone. It was this all-consuming monster that I could not escape from and it was driving me mad! The more I thought about it the more it devoured me. My only hope of slaying the beast was by saving the ship and as many lives on board as possible.

I worked hard to think of the right words to say and to try to bluff my way through the situation, "Well, Miss O'Brian, I was wondering if the passengers were aware of the safety protocols in case of an emergency?"

She paused before slowly speaking, "I believe the lifeboat drills may have been cancelled. Many of the passengers are glad about that because they think the ship is unsinkable."

"Yes, but what if it were to sink?"

"All we can do is hope that there's hope an' help nearby," she shook her head. "I'm not stupid, Mister Lowe. I know there are not enough lifeboats on board for everybody! Not only that poor Mister Andrews has been fussin' about it all day!"

"I know but—"

"Mister Lowe, if ye know somethin' is goin' to happen then ye need to be tellin' the Captain straight away!"

My mouth opened and closed like that of a fish. Miss O'Brian was correct in that I should tell someone, but who would believe me? Mister Ismay surely wouldn't! If I told Mister Andrews I was certain that would only add to his stress. Captain Smith might believe me if I presented him with enough ice warnings.

What type of story was I trapped in? Fiction at least made sense!

Though only a stewardess Miss O'Brian had dealings with Mister Ismay and Mister Andrews more than I did. Those two gentlemen, though passengers, did have more clout and perhaps even the Captain's ear.

"Miss O'Brian, do you think Mister Ismay would listen to me?" I tentatively asked.

"I can't say," she replied honestly. "I don't know Mister Ismay well an' he has confidence in this ship! I don't think he's a bad person, per se, but mislead in the idea of Titanic."

"What do you mean?"

"He's sure in the ship. Perhaps too sure. He doesn't have the knowledge an' the experience his Da did. That's not necessarily a bad thing but I think he needs to do some learnin'."

"And Mister Andrews is worried about the ship."

Miss O'Brian nodded. She looked away from me and I could swear she was holding something back.

"Miss O'Brian, if you know something you need to tell me. Our lives could depend on it!"

"Ye can't tell anyone."

I nodded.

"Mister Andrews is worried about the ship. He thinks there could be somethin' wrong wit' it."

"Like what?" I pressed.

"He won't tell us."

I thought about that. Had something that I was not aware of happened? Could someone have intentionally tried to damage _Titanic_ due to religious or insurance reasons? The idea of someone deliberately doing something to damage the ship seemed absurd to be. However, something accidental could have happened that helped sink us.

"Have you heard anyone complain recently? Maybe something about religion or supplies?" I asked.

"No," Miss O'Brian slowly said. She began to look at me strangely making me realize I needed to stop this line of questioning.

Maybe I could pry some sort of information out of Mister Andrews. I began to feel more and more like a detective in some sort of Penny Dreadful novel.

"Well, thank you Miss O'Brian. You've been most helpful."

"Yer welcome, Mister Lowe."

I strolled out of the room and back onto the deck when something large came flying at my head. Instinctively I ducked and reached out to catch whatever it was that was coming at me. My long fingers wrapped around a thick and solid ball.

My arms moved so that I could see I had caught what looked like a leather bound ball that was well played with.

"Sorry!" A young voice said.

Looking down I saw a young boy running towards me. He stopped in front of me and held out his hand for the ball. He stared at me and his mouth remained closed. Behind him stood another boy who also didn't speak.

So much for manners, I thought to myself and pressed the ball into his hand.

"Be more careful next time," I firmly instructed them. "You could hurt someone if you're not careful."

Turning away from them I soon ran into James.

"I saw what happened. You didn't get hit, did you?" James asked.

"Thankfully, no. They didn't even have the decency to ask to have their ball back. Sometimes I wonder about children these days."

"What do you want to bet our parents said the same thing about us?"

"We at least grew up with manners."

"And knives in the backs of chairs so we'd sit up straight."

James raised an eyebrow, "You too, huh?"

I nodded. "I learned that lesson mighty quickly."

James was about to say something when he saw Mister Andrews and called out to him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six**

Opportunity did like to knock at strange times but I knew better than to let it pass me by.

"Mister Andrews," I said with forced cheerfulness in my voice.

"Mister Lowe, Mister Moody," Mister Andrews responded kindly. "How are ye two gentlemen today?"

"Quite well, Mister Andrews," James answered. "Thank you. The captain wished to speak to you this evening."

Mister Andrews nodded, "I shall see about finding him soon."

I sensed an opportunity to jump in and spoke up, "Ah, Mister Andrews, when you have a minute may I speak with you?"

"Of course, Mister Lowe."

With a quick bob of his head James quietly excused himself and walked away to parts unknown.

"How can I help you, Mister Lowe?" Mister Andrews asked.

"I was wondering how you were feeling about the ship?" I asked.

Mister Andrews didn't seem to know what to make of that question. Rapidly I began to elaborate, "I was asking if you feel it's a fine ship…?"

"Why shouldn't it be?"

Despite my best efforts to stop it I felt the color rise in my cheeks. For the life of me I couldn't think of a way to ask what I wanted to ask without coming right out and telling him the entire story. Quickly thinking up a lie I said, "I'm sorry sir, I'm not feeling too well this afternoon."

A look of sympathy washed over his face. "I'm sorry to hear that Mister Lowe."

"Excuse me," I said and left. Mentally I was cursing myself for not being able to come up with a better explanation or line of questioning.

Perhaps getting the ice warnings to the necessary sources _were my only way_ to prevent the sinking. I'd have to go find Jack Phillips and Harold Bride.

But first I needed to find out just where I was. I wasn't one for getting lost easily but this ship had a complicated layout to her.

A map! A map! My kingdom for a map!

Looking at where I had come from and what I was facing I reasoned I had to go either to my left or to my right. I decided to try going to the left first to see if I can find someone. If all else failed I could ask another crew member for directions by pretending I came from elsewhere. By nature I was a terrible liar but perhaps I could get lucky.

I had passed a small room when I heard two voices speaking.

"This one wants his private car to meet him!"

The other voice chuckled lightly.

I quickly spun on my heel and entered the room. "Hello Sparks!"

Jack Phillips looked up at me. He looked startled and for a moment I felt guilty for surprising him like that.

"Lowe, right? Harold Lowe?" Jack guessed.

I nodded, "That's me."

"I hope you don't mind but we call this Harold 'Harold' and we've been calling you 'Harry' so we can tell you two apart."

I felt myself laughing lightly and waved my hand, "As long as we don't get mixed up that's fine."

"No one ever confuses me for a Welsh officer," Harold Bride pretended to pout.

This time all three of us laughed.

"What can we do for you?" Jack asked.

"Do you have any warnings that need to be delivered? Ice warnings perhaps?"

Jack immediately looked at the papers, "Do we Harold?"

"Yes! There were three this morning!" Harold announced. He pointed towards a corner of the desk, "Right there!"

Reaching over Jack took the papers and handed them to me.

"Thank you," I said and glanced over them.

"If we have any more we'll let you know."

"Thank you," I said again. "I'll come by at the end of my shift to see if anything came up."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Seven**

I counted myself extremely blessed to find Captain Smith on the bridge. As I approached I could see him talking to Mister Ismay.

"Begging your pardon Captain, but there are some ice warnings for you, sir," I said and trust the papers forward.

Mister Ismay didn't look too pleased at my interruption or my boldness. He was too much of a gentleman to say anything but I did notice the raise of an eyebrow. I _wouldn't say_ he was a _bad_ person, but rather someone who didn't know the ins and outs of the way these things worked. If he had been a sailor himself perhaps he would think differently.

If Captain Smith was displeased with me I wouldn't hear about it until later when we were in private. He didn't like reprimanding officers in front of passengers, and for that I was thankful. If the captain wasn't in the mood for scolding a crew member one of the higher ranking officers would take his place. The most likely candidate would have been Henry but I knew he wouldn't yell at me.

He looked over the papers and then forced a cheerful smile at me. "Thank you, Mister Lowe."

"Shouldn't we do something, sir? Maybe change course or stop and wait until morning?"

Uh oh.

As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I had over stepped my bounds. I shouldn't have suggested such action unless we were in private or I had been asked for my opinion.

Captain Smith's spine straightened. "Do not worry Mister Lowe. Do you have deck duty that you need to attend to?"

Despite my best efforts I felt my cheeks flush, "Yes sir. Sorry sir."

I found myself mentally cursing myself as I beat a hasty retreat. I was certain I was going to be getting chewed out for this. I didn't think I would be busted down in rank but I still didn't want to push my luck.

After fleeing to a safe distance I went about doing my duties on the deck until a young girl came up to me. For a moment I thought she was lost until she spoke.

"How big is Titanic?" She asked.

"Two hundred and sixty-nine meters long. If I'm doing my math correctly that is eight hundred and eighty-three feet."

"How fast can Titanic go?"

"Twenty-one knots."

"Is that fast?"

"Yes, it is."

I had thought she was done with her questions until she continued to follow me in her game of "ask the officer." It was something I think most children did and if I had been on a ship at that age I'm sure I would've done the same thing.

I had done my best to answer her questions until I felt my heart stop. My brain had recognized her and slapped me hard over the head with that memory.

She was the little girl I saw floating in the water! One of the many that I couldn't save!

I spun around on my heel and knelt down in front of her. My hands reached up to touch her narrow shoulders.

"I need you to listen to me carefully, young lady," I began. "If anything bad happens to the ship you and your family need to get to a lifeboat as soon as you can."

I removed one of my hands to point to a life boat in the distance.

"That's a lifeboat. You'll be told to put on a life jacket and that's going to protect you too."

The little girl stared at me with big eyes, "Is something bad going to happen?"

"It could, I hope not, but it could. That's why you need to be prepared in case it does."

I could have said more but an attractive and well dressed woman came towards us. She reached out and took the little girl by the hand.

"There you are Amy! You mustn't run away from mummy again!" The woman said.

"Yes, mummy, but he was telling me about the ship!" Amy said as she pointed towards me.

"She had some questions that I wanted to try to answer," I explained. I climbed to my feet as the woman quickly thanked me and left.

I certainly hoped young Amy listened to what I had said.

That evening I had hoped to be able to steal away some dinner while the getting was still good. That was my plan at least until I had been called for.

To my surprise it was Miss O'Brian who had been sent for me. She quickly explained that a woman had complained to the Captain that I had said things that scared a little girl.

"They're sayin' ye said that somethin' bad could happen to the ship," Miss O'Brian quickly said.

There were times I wish I could have learned how to speak Irish to better communicate with her. Miss O'Brian could speak English fluently, but due to that strong Irish accent she possessed sometimes it was a bit difficult to understand her.

"She was playing a game of 'ask the officer' with me and I told her about the lifeboats. Maybe something was misunderstood," I explained.

"The Cap'n isn't happy about ye possibly scarin' passengers. He wants to speak to ye."

Forcing my irritation aside I said I would go speak to him. I had always been short tempered, a fact I was always in battle over to control. I felt irritated that people weren't listening to me. Had the ice warnings even been delivered? Was anyone heeding them? What else could I have possibly done to change history?


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight**

"What am I going to do with you, Mister Lowe?" Captain Smith asked me. He began to pace back and forth in front of me which made my stomach tighten each time he passed me.

I would have to bluff my way through this if I had any hope of getting out unscathed or locked inside my cabin until further notice.

"As I had heard you cancelled the lifeboat drill I wanted to make sure that the child and her family could make it safely to a lifeboat," I found myself saying.

Captain Smith stopped in front of me, "Don't you think you should have asked me first?"

"I'm terribly sorry sir. I couldn't find you and the little girl was asking a lot of questions."

"That little girl's parents are most displeased with you. You're an officer on board this ship! Start acting like one!"

I felt myself wincing at my captain's words. As hard as I tried to rescue the ship and everyone on it I kept on digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole.

"I am sorry if I scared anyone," I quietly said in hopes that my words would pacify him.

I didn't know what else I could do short of staging a mutiny and taking over the ship. I had delivered the ice warnings, I had tried to tell people what to do, and I had even spoken to my fellow officers. I had done everything that I could do short of throwing away my entire career.

"You should be," Captain Smith said. His voice was softer this time, but he was no less displeased with me.

"Yes, sir," I said glumly.

"Dismissed, Mister Lowe."

Ah yes, officer speak for "there's the door, get out."

Leaving the Captain's office I soon ran into James who looked sympathetic.

"I heard the Captain really ripped into you," James said.

"He did. He's angry with me for warning children to get into the lifeboats if we sink."

"Why are you so worried about _Titanic_ sinking?"

"Because, it's a feeling that I have," I lied. "I feel like something is going to happen."

"Henry feels the same way but he's not going around telling everyone what to do in an emergency."

"The passengers should know what to do if there's an emergency! Whose side are you on anyway? Mine or theirs?"

James looked hurt by my words and I felt myself instantly regretting them.

"James, I'm sorry—" I began.

He shook his head, "No, you're right. People should know what to do if something happens. But the Captain's word is law and we can't disobey it."

"Then what can we do?"

"Do our duties to the best of our abilities. White Star Line took precautions with the ship and we have the look outs. It could be that you're being paranoid about nothing."

"And what if I'm not?"

"Then we follow the law of the sea."

I began to feel myself grow frustrated with James. "Dammit James! Over half the people on this God forsaken ship are going to die!"

James' eyebrows went up and soon both of us stared at one another with wide eyes. Did I just say what I thought I had said? I just told James how many people were going to die! Now what was he going to suspect? That I knew something that no one else would or could there even be a killer on board the ship?

Staring at me hard James slowly asked, "Harry, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I think we're going to strike an iceberg and sink!"

"I think you really need to stop being so worried about this! You keep on babbling like this and they'll lock you in your cabin!"

"James, I need you to trust me!"

He sighed, "Harry, you're my friend and I do trust you, but I think you're being afraid over nothing."

"And what if I'm not?"

"There's caution and then there's insanity. Harry, you need to let go of this fear! Mister Andrews has helped design a fine ship!"

I knew then there was no convincing James about _Titanic_ sinking. Short of beating him over the head there would be no convincing him.

Instead I would have to try a different tactic and it was then I wondered if James would go behind my back and try to convince someone to lock me away for the remainder of the voyage. Would James do that? I knew he was my friend but if he was concerned over my mental state…

"Are you going to tell the captain now?" I asked.

At first a look of confusion crossed James' face, "What? Why would I do that? I think you're being misguided but you're not a threat to yourself or to any of us."

"I wish others would think that way."

"I wish you would."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Nine**

True to his word James did not report me but somebody certainly did! Who my betrayer was was beyond me. As far as I knew no one else had heard the conversation between James and myself. That is unless it was the very same being that sent me back here? Could he have been trying to prevent me from changing the course of history? Did I somehow sink myself and Titanic's future by talking?

When I was to be sent away to be confined to my cabin it was James who began to lie in an effort to save me. He started babbling about how I was planning on writing a fictional story and we were discussing ideas and how the characters might react when put in such a situation. It hardly made sense to me but James continued to weave his lie in an effort to rescue me.

Unfortunately for me his lies fell on deaf ears and I was confined to my cabin for twenty-four hours. Our doctor didn't find anything wrong with me and blamed it on exhaustion. At the same time I was grateful they did not think that I wanted to attempt any form of suicide otherwise I would really be in trouble. I certainly did not want to end tied up somewhere for the rest of the voyage.

During my isolation I found myself staring up at the ceiling. I was informed that I would be taking part in a day long "rest cure". People would occasionally be checking in on me but they wouldn't be allowed to stay for very long.

I hadn't bothered putting on my tie, detachable collar, or even my shoes. I couldn't see any reason to be uncomfortable while I was miserable here. I was bizarrely practical that way.

There was a knock on the door that caused me to look towards it. I suspected it to be Doctor O'Loughlin and said "Come in, Doctor" as I sat up.

To my surprise it was Lights on the other side of the door who grinned at me.

"I'm a doctor now? When did I get a promotion?" Lights joked. He leaned into the room just enough so that I could see his head and shoulders.

"I thought you were Doctor O'Loughlin," I replied sheepishly.

"No, he's busy tending to someone in First Class. Something about an upset stomach. Maybe sea sickness."

I nodded a little, "I hope he releases me soon."

"We've been trying to push for him to let you out tonight or tomorrow morning."

"We?"

Lights looked over his shoulder and then quickly stepped in. It was then I could see that he was carrying a cup and saucer in his right hand. The door closed quietly behind him before he spoke again, "The rest of the deck officers. I can't say I can figure out the way your brain works but you don't have any reason to be lying to us."

"I'm not lying!" I insisted.

He held up his hand to stop me, "Harry, we're doing all that we can to get you out of your prison. You need to be patient with us."

"I'm sorry," I quickly said and looked away.

Changing the subject Lights said, "I brought you some tea. Miss O'Brian was kind enough to give me an extra cup and saucer."

Stretching his hand out he handed me the cup and saucer which I gratefully took.

"That was nice of her," I said.

"James asked first but he got caught up in some business so it was up to me to deliver it to you."

"My hero."

It didn't take long for Lights to burst into laughter over that one. Removing his cap he gave a dramatic bow, "At your service, Mister Harold Godfrey Lowe."

It was my turn to laugh at that one. Lights did certainly appear to have two sides to him. One was the level headed officer and the other was a six-year-old trapped in a grown man's body.

Straightening back to his full height Lights grinned at me, "You should enjoy your Saturday off! It has been insanely busy this morning."

Saturday.

I felt my heart stop for a split second upon hearing those words.

_Titanic_ had only one day left to live!

"Lights, have any ice warnings reached the Captain?" I desperately asked.

"As far as I know they have. On the bridge you need to stop talking about ice warnings as you'll be locked in here again." He glanced down at his pocket watch, "I've got to get back to the bridge. I'm not supposed to even be here!"

"Go! Go! Go!" I ordered him. My urgency was mostly to keep Lights out of trouble and to keep me from getting into deeper trouble. I felt fearful that I could be locked inside my cabin and forgotten about when Titanic sank. I could swim like the best of them but if I were unable to escape from my prison I was certain I would drown.

I looked down at my hands which still held the tea cup and saucer. I could feel the cup and knew the tea had grown cold between Lights receiving it and now.

I drank it anyway.

Sometime during my imprisonment I fell asleep while lying flat on my back. I had slept fairly peacefully until there was a loud knocking on my door and the Captain along with Doctor O'Loughlin entered my small cabin.

"Mister Lowe?" Captain Smith's voice said. His voice roused me from my sleep and I looked over at the two of them. They both stood there stone faced and I couldn't read what they were thinking or feeling.

I pulled myself up into a sitting position and quickly apologized for being in such a state.

Cutting to the chase Doctor O'Loughlin said, "I'm glad to see you took my advice and got some rest."

"Yes, doctor," I said.

"I trust there won't be any more worry and talking about icebergs?" Captain Smith asked sternly.

"Oh, no sir!" I quickly lied.

Captain Smith looked over to Doctor O'Loughlin. "In your professional opinion can my first officer be released?"

"Unless something comes up I imagine Officer Lowe may return to duties tomorrow morning."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Ten**

I was both overjoyed and yet terrified by those words. I would be free to do my duties again but unless _Titanic_ was stopped there would be a massive loss of life and a worldwide tragedy.

As hard as I tried I could not will myself to sleep that night. Each time I tried to sleep I found myself waking up and looking out my small view to the world. I had expected to hear cries, see people running back and forth, even someone cursing my name. What greeted me each time was silence and the ocean trying to lull me to sleep.

In the past I had always enjoyed the ocean. The noise and sometimes even mild waves were calming to me. The waves that threatened to take my life, however, I could've done without. The ocean had tried to drown me enough times in the past.

I found myself by my little view to the world and stared up at the sky. I could see and identify the constellations with ease. I had wondered if I could have seen the North Star but had no luck. Perhaps it was due to the angle I was at or it was right in front of me and I couldn't see it.

It was funny how things could be right in front of us and we're not able to see them.

I blinked once as I began to wonder if I was in fact speaking of myself? Was it me who could not see what was in front of me? Was it the world?

Was I the one who was wrong or was it the world?

Certain things sometimes had to happen. Could this be one of them?

Could I be going against God's plan by trying to keep _Titanic_ from sinking?

What would happen if _Titanic_ didn't sink? What if it sank at a later date and there was an even greater loss of life?

What would be the consequences of saving the ship and everyone on board?

I did wish I could see and speak to that stranger I saw on the Carpathia. Surely he had to know any consequences to my attempts at saving the ship! Angel or demon he knew something that I didn't!

I blinked again.

Was I losing my resolve or was I actually starting to think things through? Beforehand I had been over eager to try to stop the ship from sinking. Now I was beginning to wonder what the right thing to do was. Was there even a right thing to do?

That, at least, was easy for me to answer. The right thing to do was to save as many people as possible! Even if I was forced to lay down my own life my job was to help protect the passengers.

Why did I feel like I was mentally on the road to ruin with all this mental torture?

Was the mental road to ruin the only way for me to go?

I sighed and went back to my bed. I flopped down onto it with my face planted firmly in the pillow. I groaned when I realized I needed air to breathe.

Grunting I rolled over onto my back and once again looked at the ceiling.

Eventually, somehow, I became too tired to stay awake and fell into an uneven sleep.

The next morning I was awoken by James shaking my leg.

"Good, you're awake," he said when I opened my eyes.

"Yes, but I'm tired," I grumbled.

"You are not a morning person."

"I never was."

James nodded a little. "Shall I do something to help wake you up?"

"What?" I asked.

Grinning James walked to my door and shouted, "Run for your lives! Angry Welshman on the loose!" With that he ran away and disappeared from view.

"Children," I mumbled to myself and sat up.

I reached the door when I saw Miss O'Brian on the other side. In her arms she was holding some cloths and had a confused look on her face.

"I missed somethin', didn't I?" She asked.

"Sometimes I wonder if Mister Moody is an adult or a six-year-old trapped in a grown man's body," I said.

"Then the two of ye are two pees in a pod!"

I didn't have an answer for that.


End file.
